| 8:57 am |
sick of drinking
My experiences with alcohol has been a lot like my experiences with men.
When your in early teens the drink effect you like infatuation you can't get enough and you wake up feeling great.
In your late teens you start dating to figure out what you like. There are tall hansom sweet drinks and bald scruffy harsh drinks both of which you party with all night only to wake up one day to discover they both treated you like shit.
But finally in your twenties you settle down with your drink of choice, make a nice little home with it, let it wash over you and embody you fully, and it decides to break your heart.
but that not the worst thing it does to you. The worst thing is how it changes you. You go from sparkling wine (light, bubbly, charming) to whiskey (bitter, loud, disgusting) in the snap of a finger. but I figured out early which one of our alcoholic boys was wrong for me. Ladies and Gentlemen meet Vodka. Vodka brings out the demon in me. A venom spitting fiend who get thrown out of parties, hits people and verbally abuses. The think is I can't remember what I've said or why I've hit them or what nasty word I've said two second after it occurred so in my head there kicking me out for no reason. It's only when i'm sober, when the suffering party has explained why he/she has kicked me out, that I understand what I've done. I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic but it clear to me my drinking has gotten out of control. When you can't remember how you got home the night before or having intercourse with your boyfriend it's time to stop.
This is ruining my life and the life's of others. It has been for a long time. It has to stop here and now, for good.
It took a situation like one explained above for me to realize i must stop drinking altogether and become as my boyfriends parents put it "a boring bastard".
In this journal I'll tell of the shit I've got myself into and the things I plan to do to keep my mind of the booze with total honesty. It'll be hard but the truth will set me free.
Current Mood: accomplished |